When People Turn Everything Back Around on You

Don’t you love how some people can take something they did, something they said, or something that hurt you—and somehow turn the entire situation around until you’re the one defending yourself?

You try to explain why something hurt you, and suddenly the conversation becomes about your reaction.

You bring up something that happened, and instead of acknowledging it, they remind you of every mistake you’ve ever made.

You ask for accountability, and somehow you end up feeling guilty for even speaking.

For trauma survivors, this can be especially confusing.

Many of us already spent years questioning ourselves.

Was I too sensitive?

Did I misunderstand?

Did I overreact?

Should I have stayed quiet?

When someone continually turns things around on you, it can bring all of those old doubts rushing back.

You may find yourself explaining more and more, trying harder to make them understand, or replaying the conversation afterward wondering what you should have said differently.

But sometimes the problem isn’t that you didn’t explain yourself well enough.

Sometimes the other person simply doesn’t want to take responsibility.

There is a difference between having a healthy disagreement and having someone constantly redirect the conversation so they never have to look at their own behavior.

Healthy communication leaves room for both people to speak.

Healthy communication allows someone to say, “I can understand why that hurt you,” even if they experienced the situation differently.

And healthy communication doesn’t require you to abandon your own feelings just to keep someone else comfortable.

Healing has taught me that I don’t have to keep arguing my pain into existence.

I don’t have to provide a hundred examples before I’m allowed to say something hurt me.

And I don’t have to keep participating in conversations that go in circles and leave me more confused than when they started.

Sometimes protecting yourself means recognizing when a conversation is no longer about understanding.

It has become about blame.

You are allowed to step away.

You are allowed to stop explaining.

And you are allowed to trust yourself enough to know when something doesn’t feel right.

Healing isn’t always about learning how to communicate better.

Sometimes it’s learning when you’ve communicated enough.

PTSD & Surviving — You’re Not Alone