Why I Sometimes Have to Step Away From My Memoir

Why I Sometimes Have to Step Away From My Memoir

Most of my memoir is already written.

At this point, the hardest part is the organizing, editing, moving things around, and rereading. Then rereading again. And again.

When the story you are editing is your own life, that process can become heavy very quickly.

There are things I can write about once and feel like I got them out. But editing is different. Editing means going back into those same moments repeatedly. It means reading words connected to painful memories and deciding whether they belong in this chapter or another one. It means asking myself if I explained something clearly enough, if I left something important out, or if I need to go back into a memory one more time so a reader can understand what I was feeling.

That can be exhausting.

So sometimes I have to step away.

I used to think taking a break meant I was not making progress. Now I understand that taking a break is sometimes part of the process.

What is interesting, though, is that even when I need a break from my memoir, I still want to write.

My mind does not really stop.

While working through my own story, I often think about things I wish someone had explained to me earlier in my life. I think about the things that might have helped me understand what I was feeling, why I reacted certain ways, or why healing did not look the way I thought it was supposed to.

I think about the things I needed when I was struggling.

That is one of the biggest reasons I started creating my workbooks.

They did not come from me believing I had all the answers. They came from me thinking about what might have helped me along my own journey.

Sometimes while working on the memoir, I will stop and think, someone else may be struggling with this too.

Then I want to write about it.

I want to create something that gives someone a place to slow down, think, write, reflect, and maybe understand themselves a little better.

My hope is that the workbooks help many people. That is absolutely my goal.

But I have always believed something else too.

If what I write helps even one person today, then I feel like something meaningful has come from what I have endured.

That matters to me.

There were many times in my life when I could not understand why certain things happened or why I had to carry so much. I cannot change the past, but I can choose what I do with my story now.

Helping someone else is one of the ways I choose to use it.

That does not mean I believe a workbook, a blog, or someone else’s story replaces professional help.

I still believe in therapy. I believe in people finding the support that is right for them. Healing is not one-size-fits-all, and what helps one person may not be what helps someone else.

My workbooks and my writing are simply another form of support.

They are one survivor saying to another: here are some things I learned, some things I wish I had known sooner, and some things that helped me begin to understand myself differently.

My memoir is still coming.

Most of the writing is there. Now I am doing the slower work of putting everything where it belongs and making sure the story flows the way it should.

Some days I can work on it for a long time.

Other days I realize I have reached my limit and need to step away.

I am learning to respect that.

I would rather take my time and finish it in a way that feels right than rush through something that has taken a lifetime to live.

Hopefully one day I will have it all organized, edited, and ready to put into the world.

And when that day comes, I hope someone reads it and feels a little less alone.

I hope someone sees a part of themselves in my story.

I hope someone realizes that healing can be messy, slow, and imperfect and still be healing.

Most of all, I hope something good continues to grow from everything I have lived through.

That has always been the reason behind my writing.

If it helps one person, it matters.

And I will keep hoping it reaches many more.